Take a nice, long swig of liberty and vote today! The winning candidate will be featured on a commemorative poster!
Get ready for an election beer
My opponent claims to have the working man’s best interests at heart, but he walks around with his head in the clouds. Literally. Me? I’m just a giant, majestic bear who believes the common man deserves uncommon flavor in his craft beer, and I’m willing to fight for it. Just don’t mess up the suit.
My opponent would have you believe my stances are “stiff-necked” and my record is “spotty.” That’s simply not true; I tower above him on every issue. I, Thomas Girafferson, believe each of us has been endowed with the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of fine craft brews. Stand tall, my fellow Zoo-mericans!